Control
by Permanent Rose
Summary: /You know, a person can turn out to be really different than who you thought they were, even if you've spent so much time convinced you really know them/ Emma and Rachel have a lot in common. Takes place after Hell-O. Mild spoilers


_A/N: Takes place almost immediately after the last episode--mild spoilers for Hell-O. _

* * *

Emma Pillsbury did not bump into people. It was just one of those things, like eating unwashed fruit or opening a door handle without sanitizing it first, that just never happened.

Emma was in control. Always. She kept planners and notebooks to tediously organize her schedule. In her purse, she kept not one, but three spare feminine napkins, a bottle of pepper spray, a mini sewing kit, a pen, an extra cell phone battery, a bottle of lotion, a pocket sized hand sanitizer, Lysol wipes, a stick of dove deodorant, two spare house keys and one spare car key, a package of mint gum, and of course, a wallet that contained the usual items plus an emergency credit card. By being one step ahead, it was easier to avoid a disaster.

Of course, nothing could've prepared her for Will. The one thing in life she wanted most to control was completely out her grasp.

She had been convinced that after that spontaneous kiss in the hallway, everything would fall into place. She had it all planned out.

She had called Principal Figgins the following day to ask for her old job back. Then she and Will could slowly begin to explore their relationship. She'd be prepared—for his kisses, for his caresses, for the new role he would play in her life.

This was all she had ever wanted and it was just a matter of changing her mindset from fantasty to reality, and she was certain everything would fall in to place.

Or at least she had thought.

The run-in with Terri had left her head reeling. Emma liked to be right—it was one of those things that went along with her need for control. Tears streaming down her cheeks, she had left the apartment hastily, trying to convince herself that Terri had been wrong.

But no matter how conniving, bitter and jealous Terri was, her words rang with truth. And there was the biting realization that Terri did in fact know Will better than Emma did. Much, much better.

Now, as Emma left the auditorium, muddled thoughts clouded her head. She didn't even know why she had bothered to stop by the rehearsal—she had told herself it was unfair to hurt herself like this, and after all, she had even been the one to suggest that he spend some time alone.

But of course, she reminded herself, looking longingly back toward the direction of the auditorium, she was only human.

And that was when she ran headlong into Rachel Berry.

***

"Miss Pillsbu-ur-ur—" The end of the word turned into a loud wail as Rachel completely lost it.

Emma composed herself, feeling slightly shaken from the impact and completely overwhelmed by the sobbing student before her.

"Rachel, um, why don't you, um, come down to my office for a little bit," Emma stuttered hopelessly, wringing her hands together as she tried ton gain control over a situation that was once again outside of her power.

Being perfectly honest, Emma wanted nothing less than to have Rachel in her office. If she had it her way, she would've spent her afternoon alone, crying once again over all the things she could not control. But even Emma was not selfish enough in her distraught state to leave a student sobbing in the hallway.

Rachel nodded, hiccupping and sniffling as she followed Emma down the hall.

When they arrived at her office, Emma offered Rachel the box of tissues, which the girl accepted graciously.

She blew her nose loudly and sloppily, and Emma winced, pushing the bottle of hand sanitizer toward Rachel. Rachel smiled sheepishly as she slathered the disinfectant over her hands.

Emma smoothed her skirt as she sat down opposite of Rachel. She sighed heavily, but it was Rachel who spoke first, "It sucks," she started, and Emma could hear the tears in her voice, "when nothing seems to work out the way you plan it."

Emma's eyes widened in surprise, marveling that Rachel could feel the exact same way she was feeling in this moment. "I hear you," she muttered, glancing at Rachel to encourage her to go on.

Rachel continued, taking in a shaky breath, "You think you want something, well, _someone _so much, and you have it all figured out—everything should work, right? But then…" Rachel trailed off.

Emma took a deep breath as she continued Rachel's words. "But then you realize that you never really had that control you thought you had, specifically, um, over that one person…and you realize what they want totally different than you do, or they want it at the completely wrong time…"

Rachel's mouth hung open as Emma finished. "Miss Pillsbury, it's like you read my mind."

"What you're going through, Rachel—well, what we're both going through, isn't so, um, abnormal, especially for people like us, who tend to, um, be control freaks…" Emma trailed off, watching Rachel's expression carefully.

Rachel opened her mouth to protest, but she promptly shut it. She smiled hesitantly at Emma, and her guidance counselor cracked a small grin in return.

"Miss Pillsbury, I thought things were working out for you and Mr. Schue," Rachel blurted before she considered her words.

Emma's cheeks colored hotly; after all, this was the direction _she _had led the conversation. "You know, a person can turn out to be really different than you thought they were, even if you've spent so much time convinced you really know them—especially if they really don't even know themselves."

Rachel lent back in her chair, and Emma could tell she was chewing over her words. "Maybe," Rachel pondered out loud, "part of the problem is that we don't really know _ourselves _as much as we'd like to think we do."

They were both quiet for a moment.

The shrill ring of Rachel's cell phone cut through the silence, making the two jump in surprise. Rachel glanced at the screen. "It's Steve—one of my dads. I have to go."

She waved to Emma, thanking her with a smile. She answered her phone was she slipped out the door.

Emma was left alone to ponder Rachel's revelation.

Of course Emma knew herself. Knowing herself was that she built her entire life around. She had to know herself to keep impeccable control over each aspect of her life. She had to be so in tune with her body and mind to take the necessary measures to plan each step of her life.

But what if Rachel's words were true? What if she needed to take her own advice—the same advice she had just given Will?

What if, after all, she had only been pretending to know herself so well after all this time?

* * *

_A/N: Well, well, well...what an episode. _

_Anyhoo, in the Madonna trailer, Emma says, "I need to take ownership of my body--like Madonna" which was some of my inspiration for this. It looks like Emma's going to take some time and evaluate how she thinks and how she views herself..._

_I hope you enjoyed it; I would love to hear what you think!_


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